Dominant or Submissive? Power dynamics in Sexual Relationship
I am really interested in power dynamics in all settings, including those within my home and around my lifestyle. That said, I am far more interested in real power than I am in the power as it is often expressed in Bondage-Discipline-Sadism-Masochism (BDSM). Real power, in my view, is ‘cerebral’ first and anything else second or third. While in BDSM people might be in charge of a situation for a period of time and exercise that power – often in a physical way – real power cannot be switched on and off and need not involve any physical activity.
Real power finds its routes in a cerebral relationship, and for me, a D/s relationship needs to be cerebral and not just physical. I need to feel the relationship emotionally and know my partner feels it emotionally. I need to know that both parties know their place in the relationship and have a cognitive connection with the D/s dynamic – understanding and engaging with its benefits – of which there are many. It involves the sub or slave obeying the rules and living by the protocols laid down by her Master or Owner not out of fear or compulsion (although both must not be ignored) but because the sub or slave respects the judgement of the Master or Owner.
That a productive D/s relationship requires slave training, goes without saying. I spent much time on sub-training and then slave-training in each of my D/s relationships. However, developing a cerebral relationship requires much more than training. It requires an emotional, spiritual and cognitive connection between the Dom and the sub or slave. In my case, it most certainly requires love, common values and a shared vision of where the relationship is going. It certainly involves understanding each other very well on just about every level – something slave or sub training does not directly address – but can enhance.
I have a very cerebral relationship with my property. She knows who she is and embraces all aspects of the lifestyle. She always seeking to please – not because she is supposed to, but because she wants to, and feels a duty to. My slave lives according to my values and shares my vision of the world we are creating for ourselves. While demanding whatever I want of her, I also respect her and know she will always try to behave in the best interests of the relationship. The cane is always there, and punishment has occurred, but it is rare.
We are on the same page – and that lies at the core of a cerebral relationship and real power.