We all have expectations. We may not write them down or immortalise them, or even share them, but they exist. Every time we go out for a meal at our favourite restaurant we have expectations that:-
– The place still exists
– Is in the same location
– Has a menu of food options
– That the menu is still similar to last time
– That we will be served similarly to last time
– That the food will be cooked hygienically and thoughtfully
– That we will pay for the meal when finished
– That our method of transport will still be available when we leave the restaurant.
Similarly when going into a kink scene we have expectations.
Saying ‘I don’t have any expectations’ isn’t smart, valuable or ideal, it’s acknowledging a lack of self awareness that your expectations exist, and that you aren’t able to identify or control those expectations.
If your expectation can be voiced and managed, they can be aligned with the other people(s) expectations. You will never be able to cover all the nuances, but at least you can cover broad strokes and they will help avoid expectations being left unmet, which can not only be frustrating or disappointing but downright dangerous and lethal (eg an expectation that someone would announce a bloodbourne disease before blood play vs an expectation that the information isn’t required unless asked for).
Expectations exist, it’s the way we identify and manage those expectations that is evidence of our wisdom, or lack thereof.