TIPS FOR A HEALTHY D/s RELATIONSHIP (or interaction).

  • September 27, 2022
  • SIR D

This missive summarises the issues discussed in the last MEMBER DISCUSSION facilitated by Mestra and SIR D on the evening of August 23, 2022. It is an important topic. I hope you glean some insights from this summary. Your comments are most welcome. 

The DISCUSSION addressed four important questions:

  • Is D/s healthy?
  • Is D/s Dangerous?
  • Who is responsible?
  • How can we ensure D/s is safe?

Is D/s healthy?

There have been suggestions that Dominance and submission is unhealthy. Here is what the experts say:

Past researchers have believed that BDSM is related to trauma, abuse, lack of control, or even stunted development, but these theories have since been disproven. Today, more research shows a lack of correlation between psychological issues and BDSM in healthy relationships and the benefits of being open to exploring different forms of sexual expression. I believe belonging to the BDSM community and participating in consensual sadomasochistic acts are not unhealthy decisions. 

Enjoying a D/s relationship or scene is psychologically ‘normal’ and healthy. While potentially physically threatening, D/s can be beneficial on a psychological level. 
The fact is – there is nothing unhealthy about involving yourself in BDSM or D/s interactions.

Is D/s Dangerous?

The answer to this question is relatively straightforward. The available evidence suggests that BDSM or D/s interactions carry the following risks:

  • Psychological – few, if any.
  • Physiologically – many.
  • Bacterially – some.

Recent studies suggest that there is no psychological danger in a D/s interaction per se. Indeed, research now seems to indicate that it is very beneficial.

Given tastes involving – knives, asphyxia, electricity, needles, impact, suspension, and chains, it would be no surprise that D/S and BDSM, more broadly, can be very dangerous physiologically.

Given the potential involvement of urine, scat, saliva and blood, it would surprise very few that the risk of bacterial infection is significant. While the risks associated with urine and blood are relatively low – the risks associated with scat and saliva can be more significant. Going from the anus to the vagina can be especially risky without cleaning first.

Who is responsible?

EVERYONE INVOLVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The responsibility for keeping a session safe is the responsibility including – the top and the bottom – and everyone else present.

Everyone in attendance plays a role in ensuring a session ends well.

How can we ensure D/s is safe?

Keeping participants in a session or lifestyle safe requires attention from all concerned – before, during, and after the session. 

Critical considerations before are:

  • Research, understand and think – never do ANYTHING you do not thoroughly understand.
  • Establish consent and limits – always staying within limits WITHOUT EXCEPTION.
  • Explain and clarify expectations – ensuring that all parties know what will happen.
  • Check and double-check equipment – ensuring it is safe and functioning as expected.

 Critical considerations are:

  • Watch and listen – know EXACTLY what is happening at all times.
  • Respect and respond – demonstrate absolute respect for everyone present.
  • Engage and empathise – understand what participants are feeling and the effect.
  • Avoid selfishness – it is not just about you. Everyone should expect to be safe.

 Critical considerations after include:

  • Listen and comfort – be aware of the effects of sub-drop.
  • Check and act – ask how all parties feel and act if required.
  • Hug and cuddle – show affection and comfort the sub – distressed or not.
  • Food and water – offer food, water, and ask what else they need.
  • Time and patience – give the time and show the patience required.

 The golden rules.

If you are not prepared to follow the following seven golden rules – you should NEVER indulge in D/s or BDSM. These rules are essential to keep all parties safe:

  • Get the facts right and understand what you are doing.
  • Know the bodies involved and act accordingly.
  • Embrace the power of NO!!!!
  • Communicate well and stay alert before, during and after.
  • Secure consent, respect limits and use safe words/signals. 
  • Think twice about the potentially permanent. 
  • Value relationships as much as enjoyment.

In conclusion

If there is anything in this summary that interests you, please go to Life’s Hierarchy and listen to the podcast!

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