You have to learn not to give a fuck

There is an old parable that goes something like this – ”When we are young – we care what people think of us. When we are middle-aged – do not care what people think about us and when we are old, we finally realise that people do not think about us.” Like most parables, this one, while rolling off the tongue and creating the perception of wisdom – is wrong! The fact is – though, out their lives, human beings are obsessed with what people think about them. There is almost nothing that impacts more on human beings’ behaviour than what we think other people might think about us. 

Most human beings would rather do what will attract a positive response from others, that what is right. Most human beings are more concerned about what others think about them than they are about what they think about themselves. Most human beings are so concerned about what others think about them that they are prepared to suffer depression or anxiety when the reports coming in are less than optimal. Most human beings are paralysed with fear when it comes to admitting who they are and living the life they want to live – just in case others disapprove.

Not me. I have two principal ambitions in life. The first is to live with ”character” – recognising all of my shortcomings and ensuring that I commit myself every day to being a little better that day than I was the last. The second is to live with ”authenticity” – recognising that the only person I can ever be the best representation of is myself, and the only way I can live with character is to be myself. It does not take a rocket scientist to appreciate that ”giving a fuck’’ what other people think about me is an anathema to both ambitions. As such – I genuinely do not give a fuck what people think about me.

Now, I did not arrive at this place overnight. It took time and commitment. It took a great deal of effort and resolve. But fortunately, it was worth it. The rewards have been plentiful – because I am free, free to live my life my way. I know that for several reasons; there are people who disapprove of my lifestyle, dislike me because of the way I live, criticise me on social media and make negative statements about me, my lifestyle, my views, my way of life, and my philosophy of life to whoever will listen and often with profound passion – and all I can say is – I do not ”give a flying fuck’. 

I say all of this because when you choose to live a lifestyle that is not broadly accepted, there can be criticism from those who think they have a right to offer an insight. When you dress differently, speak differently, have different ways of doing things or behave in a manner that many do not consider politically correct, there will always be critics and others who think it is their right, if not their responsibility, to think negative things about you or tell you that your behaviour is out of line. Moreover, while this can hurt or engender fear among some – it should not and need not. 

You just have to stop giving a fuck what people think and say about you. Moreover, while this does not happen with a click of the fingers, everyone can get there if they want to. Everyone can learn to stop giving a fuck if they want to. What is more, when they succeed, they will be happier, and the world will be a better place – because one more human being will be free to realise their potential free of the encumbrances of the options of others. There is nothing surer than if you worry about what others say and think – it will hold you back, which is not good for you or your community.

So to the how. Don’t you find that people often offer you sage advice without providing any insights into how that advice might be realised. It is well and good to say – stop caring what others say and think, but how do you do it. Well, I am no expert, but here is my formula.

1. Remember that there are two categories of people in the world – those that love you and those that do not. Those who love you will never be against you, and those that do not love you are just not important enough to worry about.
2. There are two kinds of things that can be said about you – the truth and untruths. If what is said about is true, it is your moral responsibility to embrace it and, if necessary, act on it. If what is said about you is untrue – it simply does not matter – forget it.
3. The only person, anyone, is ultimately accountable to is themselves. God is a myth, your friends do not need you to be accountable, and no-one else matters. If you understand your values and do what you can to live by those values – every day – nothing more matters.
4. People who criticise you gratuitously are generally insecure and or have nothing better to do with their time. There is no value in being politically correct, and no-one knows what is truly right or wrong. People who think otherwise reflecting their insecurity.  
5. I simply don’t respect the people who say negative and prejudicial things enough to give a fuck.

I know I make this all sound easy, and it is not. However, it is important, and it is worth putting time and effort into. It will take to stop caring what others think and say about you, but it will be worth it. It will empower you, disempower them and give you a superior quality of life. Perhaps this is a good subject for an online discussion. What do you think?

Just remember, everyone has the right to be and do what ever they want, so long as their actions don’t harm anyone else. Further to this, anyone who tells you differently is almost certainly an asshole.

In closing this ramble, let me simply say this. Offence is not given – it is taken. We choose to be offended or concerned about what people say about us. That being the case – we can also choose not to care what people think and say about us.